Erlagoon Eragon Parody Story
by Anubis4545
Summary: Random day of misfortune for Eragon, and Saphira in Carvahall. A stupid parody/spoof on Eragon.


Please read before beginning story....

This is a story meant purely to be a funny, random parody of Eragon. I renamed him in some points "Erlagoon" for humor. I wrote this for my friends about 3 1/2 years ago, it is FILLED with inside jokes my friends and I share, but I'd hope the general reader could understand them enough to find the humor. None of this is meant to bash the Eragon series at all, or it's author, it is just a friendly parody. The jokes are not at all meant to be rude, or racist in anyway, just random are mostly ridiculous. The Louis Armstrong, and Aunt Jemima jokes are purely random, and not meant to be insulting either.

I wrote this story when I was about 12 years old, so please bear with me on the grammar, and spelling. Just enjoy the story for what it is, and if enough people find it funny, I will post my parody on the TV show "Bones". :]

Enjoy! :]]

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Erlagoon

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As Eragon rode Saphira out of Cavahall he thought to himself, I wish Roran would die.. I was looking forward to eating a apple.

"I know you were little one." Saphira intruded.

"I HATE you!!. I wish you would die!!!."

"I know. I wish that I would too, but im to ugly and freakish to die erlagoon."

Their conversation abruptly broke off as Eragon stood up and sighed to himself as he cut his arm with a blade.. "Yumm.." Eragon mumbled."Well as my luck usually goes, this will be about the time that the always-in-a-bad-situtation status that I seem to have begins"

Saphira growled and laughed before saying "Yes it certainly does you little dingy airhead."

She took off and headed away from the Urgals that suddenly materialised in the forest below. They dodged arrows as they flew away, while Saphira flew she cackled like a old prune.

But then a arrow magically hit Eragon's back and he turned and saw Harry potter tilting his head, and smiling at him. He let out a yelp, and Saphira became tickled pink, and she swooped down to the freaks. She next did something that Eragon had only yet seen her do once. She soared towards the urgals and missed them, slamming her neck against the ground. Eragon heard a loud SNAP!. He quickly took the bowl of trix which appeared on her back.

As Saphira turned and look at Eragon, grunting in unbearable pain she hissed "Eragon how bad are you hurt?"

Eragon didn't answer becuase he was too busy eating trix. Saphira's eyes widened, and exploded like two ripe grapes. "ERAGON! THOSE ARE MY DELIOUS TRIX!" With still no answer she became scared and took off back to the healer in Cavahall.

As she reached the town, she was met by stares of disgust and fear, and then Horst came running up to her, and asked, "What's wrong, you nasty freak?" She turned her neck around to where Eragon lay unconcious with an arrow sticking from his back. Horst roughly unstrapped him from her, picked him up in his arms and dragged him to the healer. When Horst arrived at the healer's door, he kicked the door repeatedly fracturing his foot in numerous places and screamed "OPEN THE DOOR YOU MANGLED RETARDED HEALER!!, she opened it quickly and looked at Eragon happily, then made a sign with her hands for him to be brought in and suffocated in the bed.

The healer put a gun to Horsts head and pushed him out and shut the door roughly. As the door shut Horst walked back to Saphira and plunged a knife into her neck. She then rammed her nose into his forehead, splitting his skull. Suddenly her telepathic connection with Eragon let her feel the healer raping him. She jumped with happiness as she felt the arrow being pulled out of Eragon..

There was nothing they could do but wait, and that was not a thing that Horst was good at, he was hungry and wanted a donut, a small child passed by eating large donut, Horst squealed and kicked dirt in the shilds eyes, then proceeding to scalp the child. Horst took the donut and began eating it with the childs scalp as a new stylish hat just as the healer came out and said, "It isn't very promising that he will live" the Healer burst into a sudden jig, squealing in glee. "but Saphira, you and Horst can go and beat him up if you would like." the Healer smiled contentedly, and swallowed a glass of arsenic. Saphira immediatly pushed past her and began destroying the town. Horst jumped on her back and stood up and put his arms out "Im flying Jack!" he yelled. Saphira flew into the air suddenly and Horst fell off her and plummeted to his death.

After most the town was in ruins Saphira flew back down to the Healers house and tore the roof off. where Eragon lay unconcious on the bed....

Standing next to him was Captian Crunch. He turned and looked at Saphira then yelled "CRUNCH BERRIES!". He then began jamming them down Eragons throut. Saphira suprised, blew fire at the Captian lighting him on fire, He screamed and then exploded into tiny watermelons. Horst's mangled corpse flew threw the window and slammed into Eragon and spontaniously combusted. There was a loud cracking of bones as he hit Eragon. Saphira entered Eragons mind and started to sing, "Yo ho... yo ho... a pirates life for me...". Eragon then sent a attack at her mind, Saphira yelped in pain as Eragons attack destroyed her mind. Eragon put all his strength into attacking her mind with his. Saphira Squealed like a plumped up piglet as her head exploded. Eragon opened his eyes, and saw her headless corpse, "Finally that foo is dead..." ..

Eragon then stood up. He surveyed the destroyed town. suddenly a cloud of mist appeared and Brom hovered out "Erlagoon.." Brom said slowly. "Tis' time for your adventure Erlagoon..." He said reaching out a white gloved hand. Then suddenly a bottle flew from the bushes and smashed Broms skull. Eragon ran over to Broms corpse "Brom! are you kay!?" he yelled franticaly. Brom looked at Eragon and said "Stay golden Eragon... Stay golden..". Brom then yelped "AKI TSUB!" then he died. Eragon wiped a tear, and picked up the bottle that hit Brom. Eragon suddenly froze. The bottle had a picture of a smiling sassy black woman, and said in plain letters "Aunt Jemima". "SQUEE!!!" Eragon yelled in fear as a fat black woman holding a plate of hotcakes flew out of the bushes. "Hey hey hey!" she yelled in her almost man-like voice. Aunt Jemima then lifted up a bottle of maple syrup and said "Goodbye Erlagoon...". She gave him a big watermelon smile, and bit her tongue off and swallowed it.

Just as she was about to hit Eragon over the head with the maple syrup, a picture darted from the beautiful blue skies with white clouds and sliced Aunt Jemima's hand off. "!!" she screamed.

She then fell to the ground dead. Eragon got up slowly and walked slowly towards her corpse. But just before he could get closer she suddenly turned into a puddle of maple syrup. Eragon bewildered picked up the picture that cut her hand off, he looked it over. It was blank on both sides.. he then held it upto the light from the beautiful blue skies with white clouds and he saw somthing that made him want to throw up. It was a picture a of Louis Armstrong leaning on his trumpet and smiling. Eragon knew this picture meant death. He was about to run for his life when he heard.. "I see skies of blue..... clouds of white

Bright blessed days....dark sacred nights

And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world..."

Eragon screamed in fear and began running franticaly. He then felt somthing appear in his pocket.

He stuck his hand into it and pulled out a beautiful stone, he looked it over and on the side it said "Sorcerers Stone, return to cracked Pothead if found". A loud CRACK! sounded, and Eragon looked at his stomach to see dagger protruding from it. Then a ugly green freak that looked like a snake appeared and yelled "Give me the stone boy!". But Louis Armstong landed ontop of the freak like a meteor and broke all his bones. Eragon looked fearfully at Louis. "Oh when the saints go marching in! When the saints go marching in! Oh lord I want to be in that number!! When the saints go marching in!!!" Louis sang in his uglyiest, and most saucy voice. Eragon covered his ears in pain from Louis trumpet sounding voice. Louis then yelled "Goodbye Boyio!!!" and poured a bucket of gasoline all over himself, lit a match and egnited himself into flames. Louis instantly turned into a pile of ash with a picture of himself smiling on top.

Eragon was so freaked out by now that hes was going insane. He tried to run back to his farm to go harvest some crops. But he saw some fresh mexs picking his beans for Chevy's. He then decided to run from town, but a chinese girl with a dragon was standing in his way. she threw up her arms and yelled "MY NAME IS PING!!!" she then exploded with her dragon into loafs of freshly baked bread which flew at Eragon and stoned him to death. Eragon the yelled "SHIATSUMASSAGEMACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and a large truck came and ran him into him. The instant it hit him he turned into a Bacon wrapped corn on the cobb made by none other then the main protaginist herself. Paula Dean.

THE END


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